About 9 months ago I admitted I was depressed. 6 months ago I started seeing a therapist. 4 months ago I started the first anti depressant I’ve ever taken. I’ve taken anti anxiety meds before, but only for a month because I hated how I felt. I was against anti depressants at first, but my therapist thought they would help so I said why not.
Can I just say, I have always been a very sexual person. My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and we have the best sexual chemistry I could ever imagine. But about 2 weeks after I started taking the meds, sex was the last thing I ever thought about. My boyfriend (we’ll call him Phox) tried to be patient with me, but the contrast between my constant attempts to have sex daily to barely wanting him to even touch me once a week.. he felt like I had turned into a different person.
He was right.
Every day I go through the motions on autopilot. I don’t even remember my work days, or driving, or even having sex with Phox. It makes me sad. I’ve always been a happy person, or so I thought. Ignorance is bliss, right?
Here’s my dilemma: On the meds, I’m a zombie. I think about killing myself pretty regularly, and that thought has never crossed my mind before.. And it scares the shit out of me. Off the meds, I’m manic. My anxiety is through the roof, I cry at the drop of a hat, I will go shopping on my lunch break the day I get paid and spend my ENTIRE CHECK in one store and think nothing about it. Either way, it’s not good for me.
I’ve been debating just stopping the meds, just flush them and move on. But the very small logical portion of my brain shouts at me “DON’T YOU DARE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT COULD HAPPEN. WAIT AND TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST.” The impulsive part of my brain says “eh, you’ll get over it.”
So basically its this:
Stay on the anti depressants for at least 5 more weeks until I see my psychiatrist and he sets me on a plan to taper off, and risk more suicidal thoughts, self hatred, and no sex drive. (Petty, I know)
Stop taking the anti depressants cold turkey, risk the horrible side effects that I’ve been reading about, make my anxiety ten times worse, and be my crazy manic self that can’t take care of herself.
All aboard the struggle bus.
Alice
Contoured & Confused 
Good for you, Alice, for reaching out for diagnosis and treatment, and I’m sorry to hear you are feeling crummy. Trust the cautious part of you: NEVER stop meds on your own and suddenly – especially when you don’t know what could happen if you don’t taper (depending on the medication, it could even include stroke).
Don’t wait 5 weeks. CALL your therapist and insist on an appointment (even over the phone) to discuss what you are feeling and that you believe this is not the best medication for you. Make a list so you can include it all.
Loss of libido is NOT a “petty” matter, btw – it’s a symptom. It is sometimes a side effect that goes away — sometimes dosage needs a tweak, other times a different medication makes things better. But you deserve a life that most certainly includes sexuality!! Focus on your other feelings when you speak with your shrink, but be sure to include it before you leave the conversation.
But really, do NOT go it alone.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
– ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
“It takes a village to educate a world!”
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Thank you so much, I greatly appreciate your in depth comments.. They make me feel like what I’m saying does make sense and it isn’t just crazed ramblings. I do have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, and psychiatrist in a few weeks. I believe that when I see my therapist tomorrow he will get my psych appointment moved up. Thank you again Madelyn!
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GOOD FOR YOU!! All over the ‘net there are people who care. I am only one of them. Remember, just because your brain is out of balance, it doesn’t mean that you are “crazy.” There IS a way to have a life that’s better – so keep on keepin’ on until you find it. Onward and upward!
xx,
mgh
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Do not stop taking medication cold turkey!!! I did this with disastrous results… Let’s just say I put myself in harms way because I was completely out of my mind…
Have you tried calling them, and asking if there was an alternative before waiting? Just wondering
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I have a therapist appt tomorrow, but my psychiatrist appt isn’t for another 4 wks. Luckily I can talk to my therapist about it and he can hopefully get me a sooner appointment. Thank you for your feedback!
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